The Inner Pharisee

There remains a Pharisee in me. If I allow this religious, Pharisee attitude to influence the way I think, the way I speak and the way I behave I will actually keep people from entering the Kingdom of Heaven. I’ll push them away from Jesus. In Luke 15, the audience is the Pharisees. They were offended because all the tax collectors and sinners were gathered to Jesus and He was receiving them. In Jesus’ story, the younger son converts all of the goods from his father into spending money, he moves away from home and begins to blow his fortune. One translation of Luke 15:13 calls it “riotous living.” Wasteful living. There are people who waste what they’ve been given. They waste the help you provide them; they waste the advice you give them; they waste the money you loan them. They’re wasteful, destructive… prodigal. Have you ever been one of those people? If so, you can easily relate to the sick feeling in the bottom of this young man’s stomach as he begins to realize what he’s done and how much his foolishness has cost him. My first year in college a kid that I kind of knew already came up to the same school as me. We weren’t really friends. I didn’t know him very well and he was annoying to me. He didn’t know that, but I didn’t like to be around him. Well of course, this kid requested me as his roommate for our freshman year in the dormitories. I’m ashamed of how I handled it, but the truth is, I tried my best to distance myself from him. He would go around telling people we were from the same church and that we’d known each other for a long time. I hated that! This kid did have some problems – he started living a “prodigal” life. He would oversleep and skip classes. He racked up a huge phone bill and had to sell his own plasma to try to pay his debts. The problem was, once he actually had some money in his wallet, he usually wasted most of it by going out to eat or buying himself a new hat instead of taking care of his responsibilities. I guess because of our “connection,” his riotous living began to reflect upon me. People used to ask me about him. Why did he skip all his classes? Why did he waste his money on pizza and new clothes? Why was he always chatting on the Internet instead of doing his homework? I don’t know! I’m sure now that this desperate young man was under the constant burden of shame because of his own behavior. He was probably sleeping late because of depression. He probably spent his money on food and new clothes out of a sense of sheer hopelessness. He’d never be able to pay off his mounting bills anyway, so why not enjoy a little momentary pleasure? My fear for my own “reputation” and my own personal insecurity kept me from really being a friend to this guy – a friend that he desperately needed. I distanced myself from him because of his prodigal living. I kept him away from me and never once showed him any compassion. I’m ashamed of this now, but I used to lock him out of the room in order to further distance myself from him. I wanted people to see me being cruel to him so that they’d understand I wasn’t “like him.” Sometimes I’d make it easy for other people on the floor to sabotage his stuff or play some prank on him (of which he was a regular target). My attitude was driving him away at a time when he was so filled with self-destructive emotions he didn’t need anyone to accentuate how screwed up he was. As was inevitable, he was dropped from school because of his overwhelming debts. I know that it wasn’t me alone; the entire Christian community that surrounded my roommate let him down. His wastefulness was viewed as some sort of indictment against all of us. It was like we just had to reassure ourselves that we were better than somebody. “I thank God that I am not like other men…” When I think back about that time of my life now, do you know what I realize? My roommate wasn’t annoying – I was immature. I was right about one thing; he wasn’t like me. He loved the unlovely. He was compassionate, out-going and very bold. There was one other loner on our floor who was also picked on and laughed at. Guess who his only friend was...Yep, my prodigal roommate. I'm not exactly sure what about this issue made me think back on those days.  Something in these articles demands a heavy dose of reality.  I got a sense of my own BS and had to repent of it during several pieces.  Julie Clawson confronting sexism, Francis Chan reading a prayer to be kept from lying, Christy Lambertson admitting that she hates "It's A Wonderful Life..." (I do too, Christy!)  If you'll plug yourself into the conversation started in these articles, I think you'll be surprised by what comes out. There seems to be enough fire in this month to bubble some dross to the surface! You can reach Scott by email at scottjbane@gmail.com.