“Forget about deciding what's right for each other. Here's what you need to be concerned about: that you don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is. I'm convinced—Jesus convinced me!—that everything as it is in itself is holy. We, of course, by the way we treat it or talk about it, can contaminate it.” (Romans 14:13-14, The Message) 

Growing up as a conservative fundamentalist is probably one of the best ways to gain an understanding of the Bible as your focal point for life. We conservatives breathe, drink and eat the word like no other! And that can be a very good thing…

What tends to happen later on in life (especially if you were raised as a child in this tradition) is one of two things (keeping in mind there are variants along the spectrum!):

1. You grow even more convinced that your tradition (specifically your local church) has the only “right” answers to everything – and therefore you will defend “it” to the death. Every other Christian has not been “enlightened,” but you can change that by convincing them to come to your church.
2. You start to wonder what’s outside the heavily guarded and fenced in perimeter…and you sneak some peeks at “non-conservative” authors, and on the sly you visit a few charismatic, liturgical or social justice tradition churches. Other Christians have some pretty cool things going on, and you wonder why you never experienced these practices before?

I remember when it all started. But before we go that far back, I need to let you know how I viewed my interactions with other churches before I started to venture into that scary little place known as “mutuality.”

You see, I grew up in some pretty hard-lined churches during my early years. Not all of them insisted on the attitude of “us vs. them,” but when you are a fundamentalist – this kind of thinking is the mainstay of the territory. Some didn’t make it as noticeable (i.e. sermons), but there is always an underlying assumption that when you are conservative, you need to ACT a certain way. And you surely don’t go consorting around with those of a lesser understanding of the Bible. If you do make friends with other “believers,” it is your duty to engage them in arguments concerning their take on scripture. (I’m not sure if it was because we were scared about their souls, or if their understanding of scripture just irritated us…or maybe both! But arguing about the Bible is just what you were supposed to do!)

Growing up, I always seemed to have more Catholic friends than any other denomination. And I was always fascinated (not necessarily with the purest intentions) with their belief system. So I made it my duty to argue with some of them. I never really won any of them over to my Baptist heritage, but that was never for a lack of trying! Of course, every situation of interaction left a little spiritual mark on my soul.

Mother Teresa once said, “If we don’t accept Jesus in one another, we will not be able to give him to others.”

I didn’t know it until much, much later, but it was these very engagements, which would begin my questioning, searching and eventual understanding of what it means to love one another.

Melissa Hedden is a special education middle school teacher and almost-confirmed Anglican. She lives with her husband, Shawn in Hanford, California. They are expecting their first child, Ryan, in January.