Save Me!

Recently, I've been listening to a favorite band from my youth - The Crucified.  They just released a box set with remastered versions of all their best stuff.  When I was a teenager, I played bass for a Christian metal band and these were the guys that I wanted to be like!  To me, Christian music was weak and uncreative when compared to the "real" bands that I liked, but The Crucified was different.  They were the sound of my teenage angst, but with lyrics my mom wouldn't squawk over. There is a part of one song where the thunderous music lulls, the singer quiets to an almost-talking voice and only the drums carry the rhythm forward.  Then the singer beckons the guitar and the bass back into full speed action with yell of, "SAVE ME!"  Even way back, it was of my favorite songs but listening the other day, that deep, gut-level cry for salvation plucked at my heart.  It felt silly to be choking back tears while listening to thrash music, but I couldn't help it. Save me! That's exactly what I need to be screaming, from the depths of my spleen, with no hint of shame or self-consciousness.  I desperately need a Savior, but have not been living in realization of it.  There's a danger in being a Christian for a while.  We begin to feel as though we've covered a lot of ground already and now just need God to keep adding to our pile of understanding or maturity or blessing or whatever.  I think Jesus is addressing exactly this in Luke 18, when he tells the story of the two men who go to the temple to pray.  The Pharisee prays, "God, I thank You that I am not like other men..."  He goes on to list all his accomplishments as if to say, "I've got quite a bit of ground covered already but if you could just top me off, that would be great." I'll speak only for myself and say that I live under a cloud of hypocrisy and self-righteousness.  Not on purpose, I guess, but the fact is, my attitude comes across exactly like the Pharisee in Jesus' story.  I remember hearing two friends discuss Mel Gibson's Passion movie and what they thought about it.  One guy said, "The brutality was over the top.  Even if that's what really happened, it was just too much."  The other replied, "I didn't think so.  I found it to be a horrible but necessary reminder of how bad I need salvation."  Not making any specific endorsement of the movie, but lately I'm feeling more like the second guy.  It's horrible but necessary for me to confess that I need every ounce of brutality that Jesus suffered.  It takes every lash and every bruise - every whip and each nail and thorn to save me. The tax collector, in Jesus' Luke 18 parable, is a lot more like the singer from The Crucified.  His prayer is a kin to throwing your head back and bellowing from your bowels, "SAVE ME!"  And he is the one that Jesus says will go home justified.  I know I need a Savior but I live like I just need one that can throw me a life preserver and help me into a boat I've fallen out of - As though I know I can't do it on my own but all I really need is to be helped along in a direction I was already intending to go. The truth is, I need the real Savior.  I need the one who was wounded for my transgressions; the one bruised for my iniquity; my grief to be laid upon him.  "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"  There is an amazing liberty in embracing the wretched man that I truly am.  Like Paul next says, "There is therefore now, no condemnation."  I don't feel condemned when revealed in the light of my ugliness.  I feel loved and saved.  It's the pretending that I'm already "saved" and just working on the details that provokes insecurity, religion, hypocrisy and bondage. I am drawn to people who are grappling with the truth.  "Rightness" and "Wrongness" are not as interesting or important to me as visceral honesty.  There are articles in this issue that blow the wind of freedom on my hypocritical clouds.  They force a confrontation of what is and what I pretend to be.  Agree or disagree, I urge you to do the grappling. You can reach Scott by email at scottjbane@gmail.com.  You can see a clip from The Crucified at www.youtube.com/watch?v=XK_0O_9vLnc, and the part of the song I'm specifically referencing at about the 4 minute mark.