Emerging Parenting
By Julie Clawson |
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I recently attended a seminar with emerging author Pete Rollins where he described his faith community IKON (www.ikon.org.uk/). Their gatherings are creative, experiential, and experimental. They approach faith in a way that turns one’s expectations upside down and pushes people into a deeper and more nuanced understanding of faith. It all sounded fascinating and full of life and then someone asked him if there are any children in his community. He replied that IKON is centered on adults, but that there have been requests to make it accessible to children. But he was quick to add that he wanted nothing to do with that process – not because he didn’t think it should happen but because he had no idea how to make it happen.
Pete’s sentiment is one heard often in the emerging church conversation. As adults we have gone through the often excruciating process of examining our faith, questioning our assumptions, and rethinking our religious practices. We’ve expanded our definitions of church and restructured our worship gatherings. We’ve even explored our theological presuppositions as we endeavor to be authentic and honest in our beliefs. In the process we have been shaken up, kicked out of churches, rejected by friends, and left with a deeper faith and more questions. As we move along in this journey, the question that often gets asked is “what about the kids?”
While we might be okay with questioning everything and discovering new expressions of church, there is a distinct feeling that somehow we are leaving our kids behind in the process. As with Rollin’s IKON community, most of our emerging church gatherings don’t have anything to offer children. Generally, while these communities on paper welcome children into intergenerational worship, they in fact offer nothing that connects with children. So either kids get sent to a glorified babysitting time where they might be taught some traditional curriculum or sat down to watch Veggie Tales, or they are left at home with mom while dad joins in the conversation. On one level this isn’t too big of a deal for parents in the emerging church. Most of us believe that we, not the structure of the church, should be responsible for our children’s spiritual formation.
But as we stumble through our spiritual journey, we find ourselves at a loss regarding how to approach spiritual formation at all.
One option we find is just to expose our kids to the traditional structures of church and hope they turn out okay anyway. So we send our kids to VBS and MOPS programs where they hear the same rotation of “appropriate for children” Bible stories and are taught the same sound-bite theology that we ourselves are questioning. So while we think that there may be more to the gospel than “Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins so you can go to heaven when you die,” it’s just easier to repeat those simple answers to our children. We aren’t comfortable with our kids being taught that Joshua, Samson, or Gideon are heroes while we attempt to shift our understanding of them as we abandon the myth of redemptive violence, but we tell the hero stories anyway. It’s hard not to feel like a hypocrite when we push upon our children structures and ideas we no longer believe, but sometimes it feels like it’s the only choice.
For while resources continue to amass for adults in the emerging church, very little has been  | | © Innershadows | Dreamstime.com | provided for children. There are few children’s curriculums that encourage, for example, resisting empire. It’s hard to find brightly colored picture books that explore the Kingdom of God or children’s bibles that don’t chop up the text or impose moralistic interpretations on the stories. I’ve yet to find resources that don’t limit spiritual disciplines for children to going to church, praying and reading the Bible. As a parent I would rather my daughter learn that scripture is messy, that following Jesus is an entire way of life, and that believers are to seek justice for the oppressed. I want her to know that growing our own food and picking up trash is a way of showing God we love him by caring for his creation. I want her to respect people from other ethnic or religious backgrounds and not be quick to put God in a box. These aren’t messages she will hear in most traditional church settings. I’m more than happy to teach her, but I don’t want to have to teach her these things alone – reinventing the wheel at each step.
I would love to see the emerging church focus on its children. For us to not only think about what it would take to really integrate children into our churches but to provide resources to help each other along the way. Unless a new vocabulary is created and resources are easily available, our children will be left behind in this emerging journey. The faith they develop and the faith they see in their parents might prove to be too large of a disconnect for them. While I assume that my kids will one day pursue their own journey and make their faith their own, it would be nice to have a language to convey my faith, as messy as it is, to my kids.
And, of course, those of us in this conversation realize that we have to create these resources ourselves and share them with each other. There are no support systems in place to publish emerging children’s curriculums or storybooks, but we can each contribute the bits and pieces we each have developed to help each other along the way. Some of us do this through the Emerging Parents blog (emergingparents.com) which serves as a small connection point for this sharing of ideas and resources. We share stories we write, lessons we’ve taught our kids, books we’ve read as well as ask each other questions about imparting our faith to our kids. But the conversation should be much bigger than it is now if we desire for the questions we are asking to have resonance with the next generation. It will be messy and it will be difficult, but I think taking the time to figure this out is worth it for the sake of our kids.
Julie Clawson is a writer, mother, and former church planting pastor. She is the author of the forthcoming Everyday Justice (IVP) and blogs at julieclawson.com. |
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Julie - good thoughts. many dilemmas. Jim and I love being grandparents to a 2 year old boy. it is during his short life that both we and his parents have moved away from organized religion entirely. the question that remains is how to raise him with a knowledge of God that gels with our experience and spirituality. there are no easy answers. we have a home group of sorts, but it is in reality a group of friends and family who get together now and then to eat and talk. this is new territory for all of us. and what you said about the veggietales -- is so true! Aiden loves watching them, but all i can see is how the stories are white washed. i don't know that it's harmful, but it certainly is not what the story is really about. Esther did not win a talent contest in order to become queen, for one example among many.
It's great to hear from you again! hello to the family. tammy from Ohio
Julie,
I'd say the church I worship with has done a great job with our intergenerational worship; our kids love being a part of worship with their parents and other adults. I think we've done a decent job integrating our kids into small groups, both their own, and intergenerational groups. I think we have an engaging family production that puts kids and parents together in an alternative to traditional Sunday school. HOWEVER - the curriculum is still repeating the same themes and simple moralistic Bible stories that we've heard for 50 years. Empire, justice, and Kingdom of God themes are completely absent. I often find myself "spinning" these themes into what they've learned in these other environments in order to make sure my kids see the world through a bigger picture. I lament that our children's curriculum has not emerged with our theology.
You describe what you see and experience very well. And it's not just the way we do discipleship on the road with our kids that needs evaluating in the light of what we think the way of Jesus actually means - our missional engagement with children and families also deserves critique - something that I think the emerging church has struggled even more with. I write material for Scripture Union in Australia for beach missions, camps and churches who are willing to take the godly adventure which prioritises the whole process of mission and reading the bible together by the criteria of doing it in the way of Jesus - by which I mean attending to the values of Justice, compassion, grace, honesty, community and love. I'm thrilled to discover emerging parents who desire an authentic and integrated process for nurturing their children in faith
"I’m more than happy to teach her, but I don’t want to have to teach her these things alone – reinventing the wheel at each step."
This is how I feel. Of course, my husband and I take responsibility to teach our children. But, we cannot do it alone. When I hear someone (usually 15 years older than me with adult children) say it's the parent's responsibility I hear a cop-out. I wish they'd say, "We don't know how to do this either. But we want to be on the journey with you." Instead I hear, "Sorry. There's nothing here for your children. It's your responsibility to teach then anyway." It's a struggle for sure to be on this journey. And it's one I hope I don't regret.
Our family is part of a house church. But, right now my children are in AWANAS at a large church. I cringe every time I drop them off fearing what subtle messages they're picking up. But, it's the best supplement we have found, and they're showing no signs of legalism, performance oriented spirituality, etc. Again...I hope I don't regret it.
In the UK context, many emerging churches use a form of worship called alternative worship. This form of worship is centred on participation, children and parents together, so I am not sure it leaves out the kids as much as you say. Some emerging churches like Moot, use an adapted form of Godly Play in worship, so I think emerging churches are possibly more inclusive of kids than traditional forms of church
Our church uses Godly Play, too, and my wife actually was a leader. It really is a terrific program. I love its focus on actual play and creative, letting the children explore answers rather than giving it to them. It's actually helped me be a better parent, too!
Julie --
This is a really good article. Too often, no matter how much we try and "change" our worship, the kids in Sunday School are still seeing the "old stories" told the "old way" -- i.e., Jesus and his friends on flannel-board or paper cut-outs, or some other pithy craft. The youth may be a little more "grittier" in their content but sometimes the theology is way off base.
Maybe the problem is that the "adults" teaching don't have the theological depth to convey the new emerging views of Jesus, etc. And I guess it's harder to convey these ideas to kids and youth anyway, but somehow it needs to be done.
Excellent article, Julie. I attend a small social justice oriented quasi-emerging Methodist church in Chicago, and we have struggled with providing our children (mostly under the age of 7) with meaningful spiritual formation. A few of us read Ivy Beckwith's Postmodern Children's Ministry book, and we now have intergenerational worship, but so far it's basically the adult worship service with the kids sitting with us in the pews and maybe a few kid-friendly songs thrown in. It's something we need to work on...We do have a Sunday School before service for kids 4 and up that utilizes Godly Play, which is a Montessori based Sunday School curriculum. I like the narrative aspect of Godly Play, as well as the fact that it encourages the children to use the materials to interpret the Bible stories themselves.
It's really hard for a recovering evangelical like myself to talk to my daughter about issues of faith and spirituality because, like you mentioned, I lack a new vocabulary, and I don't want to tell her the same things I was told growing up. How do we provide an environment in which the Holy Spirit (and not we the parents) can do the spiritual forming while providing the guidance that children need?
I think what I value most from my church community when it comes to my daughter is that they accept, respect and love her unconditionally.
Julie - Thank you for being an advocate for children of emerging parents. I have a son that is 15 and I want him to be able to connect to a community of faith but there isn't much available for youth except for the traditional church. Of course we are teaching him to ask good questions and not believe something just because a preacher/teacher/leader says it and he is old enough for us to share out process with him BUT I think it would be so valuable if he could be in community with peers who are on the journey and doing the same thing.
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It's great to hear from you again! hello to the family. tammy from Ohio
I'd say the church I worship with has done a great job with our intergenerational worship; our kids love being a part of worship with their parents and other adults. I think we've done a decent job integrating our kids into small groups, both their own, and intergenerational groups. I think we have an engaging family production that puts kids and parents together in an alternative to traditional Sunday school. HOWEVER - the curriculum is still repeating the same themes and simple moralistic Bible stories that we've heard for 50 years. Empire, justice, and Kingdom of God themes are completely absent. I often find myself "spinning" these themes into what they've learned in these other environments in order to make sure my kids see the world through a bigger picture. I lament that our children's curriculum has not emerged with our theology.
This is how I feel. Of course, my husband and I take responsibility to teach our children. But, we cannot do it alone. When I hear someone (usually 15 years older than me with adult children) say it's the parent's responsibility I hear a cop-out. I wish they'd say, "We don't know how to do this either. But we want to be on the journey with you." Instead I hear, "Sorry. There's nothing here for your children. It's your responsibility to teach then anyway." It's a struggle for sure to be on this journey. And it's one I hope I don't regret.
Our family is part of a house church. But, right now my children are in AWANAS at a large church. I cringe every time I drop them off fearing what subtle messages they're picking up. But, it's the best supplement we have found, and they're showing no signs of legalism, performance oriented spirituality, etc. Again...I hope I don't regret it.
This is a really good article. Too often, no matter how much we try and "change" our worship, the kids in Sunday School are still seeing the "old stories" told the "old way" -- i.e., Jesus and his friends on flannel-board or paper cut-outs, or some other pithy craft. The youth may be a little more "grittier" in their content but sometimes the theology is way off base.
Maybe the problem is that the "adults" teaching don't have the theological depth to convey the new emerging views of Jesus, etc. And I guess it's harder to convey these ideas to kids and youth anyway, but somehow it needs to be done.
It's really hard for a recovering evangelical like myself to talk to my daughter about issues of faith and spirituality because, like you mentioned, I lack a new vocabulary, and I don't want to tell her the same things I was told growing up. How do we provide an environment in which the Holy Spirit (and not we the parents) can do the spiritual forming while providing the guidance that children need?
I think what I value most from my church community when it comes to my daughter is that they accept, respect and love her unconditionally.