“Goddess worshiper, feminazi, heretic.”  These are the names I have been called since realizing that I too, as a woman, am created in God’s image and am a valuable part of the church.  While there have been others voices lending support, the negative voices trying to suppress a thinking woman are constant and demoralizing.  I personally have grown accustomed to the opposition and have found avenues to explore what it means to be a self-reflective woman within the body of Christ, but others aren’t so fortunate.  In my interactions with women across a variety of spectrums in Christianity, I have seen that many Christian women experiencing a feminist spiritual awakening have a difficult time finding a welcoming place in the church.  The issue is not just that such women are unwanted or ridiculed (though that is a problem), but that these women lack resources to help them understand how one can be a committed follower of Christ as they discover their worth as a woman.

Now I know that the term "feminist spiritual awakening" can be problematic for some people.  The term "feminist" itself is referred to as the "f-word" in many Christian circles.  Misunderstandings and negative stereotypes aside, this means that the experience of such an awakening is not a commonly discussed topic in churches. This silence results in women who go through the experience feeling very alone and often sinful for their self-discovery.

So what is it exactly that this "feminist spiritual awakening" involves?  It of course looks different for every woman, but generally involves a period of self-reflection and self-discovery.  It is the realization that as a women one is made in the image of God and is as valuable, worthy of respect, and full of potential as men.  It involves not only discovering that one has a voice, but that what one has to say is important and needs to be heard… even if (especially if) it differs from the status quo. It is the realization that as God's creation we can be called to serve God in any variety of ways.  And it often involves a period of anger - anger and frustration that we have not been told these things before and that others actively suppress women who try to teach those ideas. 

For some this process of awakening never happens.  Some women have been so encouraged and affirmed in their lives that it is unnecessary.  Other women never encounter the freedom to ask the hard questions that lead down that path.  While some might be surprised that such a discovery of basic human dignity is needed at all, this is a common experience in many branches of the Christian church.   For women who have been taught (explicitly or implicitly) that they are inferior to men, unfit to serve God, and created merely to serve and help men, such an awakening is a life-altering discovery.

Unfortunately many women are left feeling very alone as they experience this awakening.  They have no one to talk to, no one to encourage them.  Often they are ridiculed or condemned for the questions they are asking.  Many women are forced to suppress their awakening in fear of being ostracized from their church community (or worse, of their husband the pastor losing his job because of their journey).  They don't have the resources to help them understand how these new thoughts fit into the Christian faith they still want to affirm. 

Somewhere in the midst of this process women generally encounter the book The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd.  That book is Kidd's autobiographical chronicle of her own "feminist spiritual awakening."  She deals with the same questions, the same fears, and the same anger as most Christian women who go through this process.  She is a sign of hope to the women if only to prove that they are not crazy and that there are others thinking similar thoughts.  The problem arises as one reads the entirety of Kidd's journey.  In her questioning of the patriarchy of the Christian faith, she ends up leaving orthodox Christianity altogether in favor of a neo-pagan version of goddess worship.  This scares a lot of women.  They get the impression that to affirm the dignity, value, and potential of women means that they have to leave Christianity behind.  This often results in a bittersweet rejection of their self-discovery or an attempt to live a divided life where they go through the motions expected within the patriarchical system but feel differently in their hearts.  Neither option allows for them to live as the whole people and image-bearers they so long to be.

While there will always be churches that refuse to affirm women and those that call us names out of fear, there are many churches out there that support women.  But what is needed is for those that are open to that possibility to be aware of this struggle women face to find a welcoming place in the Christian church.  I personally see the emerging church as having great potential to be such a place for women on this journey.  I have seen within the emerging church a willingness to include women, but that is often coupled with a reluctance to devote any time or effort to addressing the complexities of the issue.  So from the outside looking in, women are seeing just another representation of the systems of patriarchy they are attempting to overcome.   If the emerging church is serious about presenting a new way of being a Christian, it is currently missing a vital opportunity to help women discover that there exist ways to be an “awakened” self-aware women within the Christian tradition.  It has the potential to provide a safe place for such spiritual discovery, for developing theologies free of patriarchical oppression, and for helping women see that their only options aren’t just to accept patriarchy or abandon the faith altogether.  It could be a place where the fullness of the good news is made known to all – especially women.

Julie Clawson pastors an emerging church plant in the Chicago area, and helps coordinate Emerging Women (www.emergingwomen.us) activities.  She blogs at onehandclapping (http://julieclawson.blogspot.com).